Part-Time Pundit

Hurricane Katrina: Louisiana Demoted to Federal Territory (satire)

Today during a special session of Congress legislation was passed and immediately signed by President Bush that demotes the former State of Louisiana to federal territory status. During the response to Hurricane Katrina, the local government left almost 500 buses unused, waited an additional 24 hours to order evacuation while President Bush begged them to get the people out, and over 2/3rds of the New Orleans Police Department abandoned their jobs and left the city in chaos.

“It is clear that the government of Louisiana and the city of New Orleans have completely failed their populations. In response to this complete collapse of government I have been forced to take decisive action to rectify the situation.”, said President Bush is a Rose Garden ceremony. Other officials expressed similar sentiments. Former Sen. Mary Landrieu was ushered out of the Capitol building after the vote as the area is no longer entitled to Senate representation. An unconfirmed report states that she had to be removed for threatening to punch her colleagues while she should have been working instead.

Department of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff stated that “it was clear from the response that Louisiana just can’t handle their own business so it became necessary to take over for them.” New Orleans has a long history of political corruption and as the hurricane stated to bear down on the city, Mayor Nagin was quoted as saying, “You want me to do something? I’m only the mayor; I’m just here to line my pockets!”

Federal agencies and offices were ordered to remove the current American flag and replace it with a flag that contained only 49 stars to signify the demotion of the Louisiana territory.

September 5th, 2005 Posted by John Bambenek | Hurricane Katrina, National, Politics, Satire | 4 comments