Part-Time Pundit

Bonfire of the Vanities #100

Welcome to the 100th edition of the Bonfire of the Vanities, a festival of the blogosphere’s worst posts of the last week. What’s in the quotes after the submission is user-submitted comments. If there are no quotes, they didn’t give me a comment so I get to mock them instead. The next stops are:

Week 101 (June 7) - Benedict
Week 102 (June 14) - Basil’s Blog
Week 103 (June 21) - It’sAPundit

“If your post sucks and you know it send it in,
If your post sucks and you know it send it in,
If your post sucks and you know it and you’d really like to delete it, if your post sucks and you know it send it in.
(Sung to the tune of a kids song that I can’t remember right now).

Here we go:

Thanks for trying, but military overspending jokes died with the cold war.

Charlie Quidnunc at Rip & Read Blogger Podcast presents Rip & Read #116 - 2005-05-31 “Get your blogosphere in your ear with Charlie Quidnunc’s Rip & Read Blogger Podcast. Today he covers: The French “Non”, Bush’s Presser: “Absurd”, and Unholy Alliance.”

Two Dogs at Mean Ol’ Meany presents Mean Ol’ Meany’s Treatise on Religion “Satire so subtle that no one gets it.”

basil at basil’s blog presents I’ll Take Those Links! “In a blatantly transparent attempt to get more links, I tried to take advantage of many bloggers desire to not link to certain sites. This post offered instructions on how a blogger could offer their readers link access to a site without actually linking to that site. They’d link to me, and I’d redirect via JavaScript to the destination site. That way, even though the destination site got a hit, they didn’t get a link. Does it work? Yes. Do people use it? No. Am I hoping such a lame plan might get extra exposure through a Carnival posting. Well, duh!”

Kelly Pearson at Time to Lean presents Nurse Kelly’s answer to the low-carb craze “This is a picture of all the crap on the top of my fridge. Can’t get more lame than that. I felt an itch to take pictures of stuff and I was hungry for a samich, so off I went to make a samich, camera-in-hand.”

Gnotalex at Dodgeblogium presents Positive NO “Would you trust this guy with anything?”

Jody at Steal the Bandwagon presents Ugh, Dork Blogs Here “Excuse: All my posts had been so good, I didn’t want all the other bloggers to feel bad, so I posted this… yeah, do you buy that? ;)”

Ferdinand T. Cat at Conservative Cat presents CSI Schaumburg Episode 18, “Wet T-Shirts” “I thought this was really funny, but apparently I was alone. Maybe people were so sad from the filibuster deal that they weren’t very receptive to humor.”

Jack Cluth at The People’s Republic of Seabrook presents There is something horribly amiss when a nation is obsessed with an 18-year-old’s breasts, no? “Does this make me a bad person? Why, yes…yes, it does….”

Beth at My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy presents Be Here Tuesday “Submitted due to its obvious coyness… ;-)”

Janette Stripling at Common Sense Runs Wild presents I Can Quit Any Time I Like. Don’t ever trust tech support, Janette.

Mustang 23 at Assumption of Command presents Star Wars Bootlegged “Last week I was a dork about Star Wars, but this week I actully get to see it, but my only source is a bootlegged copy.”

Will Franklin at WILLisms.com presents Congratulations To All The Graduates Of The Class Of 2005. “My little sister graduated on Saturday, but didn’t think the post was all that funny.”

Elisson at Blog d’Elisson presents WHAT KIND OF GUY “Elisson attempts a visual pun of sorts, but fails miserably when nobody gets the joke. Crap.”

Kevin at Technogypsy presents Audie’s work “If you are going to plug an artist, it helps if you are sure their
site is up. Duh.”

a4g at Point Five presents Contest: Guess What Paris Hilton Smells Like! This post smells like all sorts of a bad idea.
Interested-Participant brings usDrug Dogs Taught to Detect Talcum. “Someone had switched the test package of cocaine with talcum powder at the beginning of the three month drug dog training program and nobody noticed. Consequently, seven police drug-sniffing dogs became proficient at finding talcum powder.” Sounds like these dogs would be perfect for the TSA and about as good at keeping planes secure.
Multiple Mentality brings us multiple posts from multiple mentalities. Automated Voice Systems by Yoshi. “Yoshi laments the way automated voice-activated telephone systems are somehow programmed to be even MORE annoying than they used to be.” Well, if they stop giving the customer what they want, maybe they’ll stop calling.
and

Basic Courtesy by Jewboy. “Jewboy gets his bitch on about the way people behave. He starts with cellphones and goes from there.” I hate cellphones too, not as much as my pager though.

RightWingNutHouse has praise for the New York Times?? Bartender, cut this man off.

Spirit Fingers is Sifting through the cutting room floor. “A glimpse of Bai Ling’s scenes which George Lucas ended up deleting from the final version.”

Practical Penumbra blames Harvey for yet another meme. Me, I blame France.
Pirate’s Cove wonder’s is it wrong to torment the Huffington Post for hotlinking… You may think it’s evil, but rebuking the hotlinker is a work of fisking. (Let’s see who paid attention in Sunday school)

The American Princess wonders who drinks a $20 martini. Well what did you expect you’d find when reading HuffPo?

Classical Values brings us Carrying the Culture War to Far? “(Prosthetic penis in the highway as a proxy for the culture war.)” I’m not even going to touch this one.

Thank you all… I’ll be here all week. Tip your webhosts.

May 31st, 2005 Posted by John Bambenek | Carnivals | 12 comments